THE UPS AND DOWNS OF LIFE

This weekend my kids played in medal rounds for basketball and hockey - it was one exciting weekend.

On the weekends, we visit my husband's mother at a nursing home about 10 minutes from where we live. Unfortunately, the boys were so busy with sporting events, Jim had to make the visit on his own. He came back after the visit with the news that his mom seemed to be failing.

We woke up yesterday morning to find out she had passed away in her sleep. We were shocked! This was a lady who had been through an unbelievably challenging life, suffering from severe depression and many other maladies. Our family walked through yesterday in somewhat of a daze, crying, laughing, reminiscing over the good times and bad times that made up my mother-in-laws life.

Kindly my sister offered to help me clean out her room at the nursing home . We decided we would do it, as I thought it would be easier for me than for my husband. Wow, was I wrong. As we walked down the halls of the nursing home, it seemed almost scary. We walked into her room and it appeared smaller without her there. We both agreed it shouldn't take long, but this small room had an unbelievable amount of memorabilia. After we packed her things, we turned off the lights and shut the door. She had been on this earth for 81 years and now she was gone. We then got back into my sister's van and drove to see my dad in hospital. We said few words which unusual for us. How do we pick ourselves up? What do we learn from such life experiences?

MOMS EMBRACING TECHNOLOGY

A few years ago, my kids used their birthday money to buy the standard gameboy. My hubby and I have been in agreement regarding limiting their time on this technology, and we have not given into (yet) purchasing any other game systems. We are minorities when it comes to this. Their gameboys are hardly used anymore, because they have became relics, they don't even make games for their type of gameboys. Hogan my eldest did receive an ipod for Christmas this year, and has become a music fanatic since receiving it. Although as parents we like that he loves music, we want to ensure he doesn't spend too much time in ipod isolation, and we have to monitor everything he listens to.

As a kid, teen and adult, I have been slow to jump on the technology bandwagon, but now have learned that as a mom who has her own business, technology has become a necessity. I have a laptop, blackberry, joined facebook, sold things on kijiji, bought on amazon and ebay, and now have entered the world of twitter. It has taken me awhile to realize the value of these new forms of communication, but I have to tell you, I like them. As a mom entrepreneur, it is so important that I can do my business whenever I have a moment between pta, hockey, walking my dog, and working on a couple of businesses I own. It has allowed me (in my own little world) to accomplish what I need to do, and feel good at the end of the day! I can honestly say it has allowed me to go to bed some nights guilt free. How does technology work for you as a mom? How do you safeguard your family from technology isolation? join twitter and connect with some great mom sites - twitter moms for sure! It already has 10,000 moms across the globe connecting to do business and sharing mom entrepreneur advice.

YOUR INFLUENCE

As parents, the largest responsibility we have on our children is our influence. What is so amazing about children is how quick they catch onto things like languages - technology. It is what makes these little sponges so amazing, and what makes our jobs as mentors, parents, teachers, leaders, so vitally important. My parents were very involved in politics growing up, and so my first political speech was made standing on my desk in grade 3 in support of the provincial candidate they were working for at the time. Sitting around our dinner table, my parents would discuss everything from politics to sports, fashion to local gossip, homework to friends. Although they included us, it was their opinions which molded us. As we got older, others would share this job - our teachers, ministers, peers. It is then, my sister and I started to become people with our own opinions. After graduation from university, I moved home for awhile. I realized my opinions were taking on a life of their own. One morning my dad and I got in a heated argument about a social issue. As I stood staring him in the eye, I realized I was all grown up. My parents, leaders, teachers, peers had given me the tools, but I was to build my own opinions. What we do and say leaves a large imprint on our kids. We are not perfect but we must be prepared for the consequences of this responsibility. Who has influenced you for the better and what influences are you having on the children you interact with?

SHE'S A LITTLE CHATTY

I was an average student - very involved in school activities - very social! On almost every report card would be the following - "Suzanne is a good student, but she is a little chatty!" I even received this same comment on a employment evaluation in my 20's - "you have great ideas, you get a long with everyone, but you are a bit chatty." In my 40's I have become wise to my faults, and have tried to turn them around to a positive. I started my own business so I wouldn't have to have someone tell me to stop being so chatty, and I have turned my "chattiness" into good relationship marketing. Sometimes as a child what are elders see as a negative is really a positive. Some children are chastized for reading too much and being introverted, they often become the ones to capture their imagination on paper and become writers. Some are told they daydream too much, they may become inventors or entrepreneurs. Last year a teacher yelled at my son because he was picking up an ant, she said "we have to leave nature alone". On the other hand if we don't touch and feel nature how will we know how best to protect it. Those who live off the land have always been our best conservation advocates. What I am trying to say is what some see as a fault maybe a blessing in disguise. What blessings were misread in your life? How did it affect you?

THE OLIVE BRANCH

Family is very important to me. I have a very close family - I grew up with two parents who were in love and still are, and one sister who is my best friend and working partner. I spend most of my life trying to create that environment for husband and boys today! On the weekend, my sister and I met my 19 year old niece at a pub in downtown Halifax, and had a great time. On Sunday I hosted a small birthday celebration for my 17 year old nephew with all of the family on hand. My sister attended my son's hockey tournament on the weekend and shared in the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.

On opposite ends of this story is my father who until recently hadn't spoken to his brother for almost 30 years. Both ended up in hospital in Halifax. An olive branch was extended by my cousin (my father's niece) and a couple of days later my uncle showed up in wheelchair to my fathers bedside. The things that had once splintered this relationship were no longer important anymore. What ties a family together is sometimes easily broken but only for the time it takes someone to connect it again. We love a good family reunion story, we need to be a part of a tribe, family, pack or posse. What connects your family? Have you ever been disconnected from your family, how did you make your way back?

LIVE FOR TODAY

Every once in awhile I am touched by an event that stays with me for days - sometimes they are good news stories and sometimes bad. I woke up this morning and read in the paper that Hollywood actress Natasha Richardson had died from a fall on a bunnyhill at a ski resort in Quebec. I, like most parents, am always touched by stories that leave families in loss of a parent. Natasha Richardson is the wife of famed actor Liam Neeson, and the mother of two boys aged 12 and 13. The loss of a parent at anytime in your life has such an impact on the family. I had two friends who lost parents in high school, and the impact on their lives was awesome. As a person who suffers from health anxiety, and as a daughter who almost lost her 84 year old father this year, I really have to take these negative events and try to work through them. A therapist once told me in times of despair, seek out the things that make you smile. And although challenging, try to live in the moment for as long as you can to get through the sadness. I pass this on to the family of Natasha Richardson, the families of the helicopter victims in Newfoundland and anyone who today mourns the loss of loved one whether it happened yesterday, a year ago and 25 years ago. So what did I do this morning when I got up, crept in and smelled the scent of 7 year old, woke my kids up, tickled them, bathed them, talked to them, and planned our day. Screw work, laundry, and me time, today we are going to do crafts, because we really only have today! That is what Eckhart Tolle (author of A New Earth, The Power of Now") tells us, and today I will take his advice. What other advice do you have to get through loss?

THINGS I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND . . .this morning

If you follow my blog in any regularity in the future you will soon realize, I suffer from insomnia. It is something I plan to work out through meditation, relaxation methods and possibly warm milk, but I am not there yet. So I woke up this morning struggling to wake up, and I am still not there yet. Two cups of seriously strong coffee, and I am still foggy. So I thought I would just list off things this morning happening in our world that already have me perplexed:

1. in a time of recession/depression video game sales are souring
2. people who stay angry
3. the medical system
4. the education system
5. how AIG management justify millions of dollars in bonuses for leading their company to destruction, when in my whole life I only received a bonus if my sales hit the roof.
6. why I stay up to watch American Idol
7. how do I have so many socks that don't match
8. why Canadians talk National when the don't include east of Montreal
9. why we seem to be throwing our connectors away newspapers, cbc, magazines etc.
10. why yesterday I spent 100.00 in groceries and I need to back to the grocery store again today!

Anything perplexing you today? Writing this out made me feel really good - try it!

THE SPAGHETTI CHALLENGE

We hear it all the time - families that do things together end up being healthier physically and emotionally, and we all know it is true. But. . . we are all busy, and sometimes it is can be easier to sit in front of a tv, go off to the gym ourselves, or grab a meal on the go. Although my clan are a highly emotional bunch, and we are far from perfect, my family does a pretty good job of doing things together. Still, we can get caught up in the hurried family effect. Tonight, we did something that made me realize how important family time is to our children. Last night at supper, my hubby and I were comparing our cooking skills, all of sudden our youngest came up with the idea to have mommy and daddy have a spaghetti cook off. The banter started. And when there was any inkling that the event wouldn't happen the kids became outraged. The event was happening, and that was all there was to it. We set out this morning, each with a purpose to make the best damn spaghetti we ever made. Highly emotional yes, overly competitive definitely! We kept our ideas close to our chests, and the cook off began. We had a great dinner, with each of our two children scoring us on presentation, taste and style. I regret to say the winner was DAD, but after he was declared the winner, they both stroked my ego by saying they really liked mine too. It made me realize that in our hurried lives sometime my kids want to drive the car, and sometimes we even want to go were they are going. Do you need to be reminded from time to time to enjoy your family and just slow down?

MARCH BREAK - I'M SCARED

This week I am working full time on Family Expo - Andree and I have a thousand things to do. But because I am around the house I didn't put the kids in any activities. I am also in the rink about two hours a day for hockey tournaments. For some reason even though my hubby and I are both working, I am still the primary planner. No matter what your profession, why is it that moms are still getting the babysitters, doing the laundry, making the lunches, registering the kids in activities? Do you have shared responsibities? How do you do it? Is it ok to rant about your partners early 1800's point of view? I love my husband and he vacuums, sweeps, cooks some suppers but I do the most of the 1950's mother/wife work and am trying to be a professional. When we burned our bras, should we have burned our aprons too?

GUILTY PLEASURE, OBSESSION, HOBBIE - WE ALL HAVE THEM - LET'S EMBRACE THEM!

WOW, I woke up this morning and my husband and my son were off to hockey practice. A sense of relief hit me. After they return our day is free. Sure we need to get supper, visit our parents in their hospital and seniors homes, walk the dog, but otherwise we were free. My youngest got up and said "Mom can I watch TV all morning?" A ha, at 7 years old he admits his first guilty pleasures - watching tv and relaxing. I started mine off with listening to CBC's Michael Enright for 2 hours straight with several cups of coffee. Then I planned my second guilty pleasure a trip to Frenchys (second hand shopping), third I am psyched to watch the Housewives of New York City at 10 tonight. Are these lame? - yes, but they make me happy. Some guilty pleasures you want to tell the world about, example "I love to work out at the gym every morning", others you keep underwrap "I will not miss ABC's The Bachelor". I use to hide my guilty pleasures - at night I like to read magazines instead of a book, I like WHITE BREAD!, I can spend two hours in Shoppers Drug Mart - at 44 I am less likely to protect the image of my perception of what I think others want me to be. What is your guilty pleasure and as you get wiser do you feel freer to be the real you?

IS A MOTHER ALWAYS MOTHERING?

Woke up this morning at about 5:30 and started to do some laundry - it seems so crazy but my insomnia has become a great time for me time. Yep, it comes down to that, laundry in my books is equated to a spa day. No really, I grab a coffee, turn on the radio and spend some time with myself. When I heard some sounds from upstairs I went up to see my oldest son (10 years) slip in bed with his nanny (my mom is staying with us while my dad is in hospital) and he was telling her all about his day - it was sweet. There she was doing what she has always done listening. This tranquil moment soon changed when she came downstairs and started to make breakfast. I sat down with her to have tea and then she proceeded to tell me how she hopes she wasn't in our way and she hated that I was doing her wash. Was she a bother? OH MY GOD - you sacrificed your whole life for me this is the least I can do. When do you stop being a mother? Does this unique love/hate relationship continue forever? Will I be telling my boys to pick up their underwear when their in their forties?

Do I do it for the thanks?

If I said I am happy to see the end of my kids school winter carnival would it be wrong? This week I became consumed with my kids school winter carnival - I helped them make costumes for Character Day, put great hats together for crazy hat day, helped organize a gym and spaghetti night and served hot chocolate to all the kids on the last day. Why do we try to do too much? One mother asked me "Are you trying to be mother of the year?" Am I? I think I do it because I had one heck of a great mother and she made it look really easy - granted she was a stay at homer but this week so was I - I let my work slide, ignored my wash, wore lots of ponytails and one time went to the grocery store in my pyjamas? Am I crazy? Why do we do more than we have too?

Trying to do it all

Yep, I woke up this morning around 5:oo am and faced my stress head on. . . what was my stress, - work, finance, marriage, ill father, stressed mother? no, none of the above - it was what were the kids going to do for hair for crazy hair day at their school winter carnival - priorities out of check . . . yes. Why do we feel as mothers we have to do it all? How do make time for ourselves without feeling guilty? Got any advice?

Calling all volunteers

You know you should do it - volunteer that is, your busy, tired, stressed - what does it take to motivate people in an already incredibly busy world?

sandwich generation

There is no doubt that the Family Expo focus has been targeted at the younger family and we always have that in mind. But as my sister and I get older and our families do too, we feel the need to address the issues affecting us because that is what we know. And although we can't do everything at our show we can talk about it online.

Subject of the day - Sandwich generation - Have you talked with your parents about their plans for the future (ie. seniors homes, home care, etc.)