At some point in our lives we will experience some sort of loss or the sickness of loved one, and there is no doubt running through your mind as people bestow kindness on you - you will be thinking . . . don't be nice to me. What I mean is, in times when your emotions are all wrapped in the loss of someone, people hugging you, bringing you coffee, even opening a door for you, all these acts of kindness can lead you to - convulsing tears.
My dad has been sick for a couple of months, stricken with sudden symptoms of Parkinsons Disease, his inability to swallow has seen a man who was last year 170 lbs reduced to 110 lbs. On his road to recovery there have been many ups and downs and yesterday he hit another bump. In the time of about 12 hours he became seriously ill and we were told his chances were not good. Between yesterday and today, the outpouring of kindness has been unbelievable, strangers and friends alike have reached out to us and given their shoulders to cry on. Today I am walking around in a daze, crying on demand to those simple acts of humanity that we sometimes forget amongst the stock market crashes, wars, teen violence and celebrity gossip. I am exhausted and there are times when I feel I can't cry anymore, times when I think for a moment please don't be nice to me. But they are few and far between, crying is the release and honestly I love the kindness people have shown my family. From now on I will embrace this humanity because in a world with so little of it, I need to suck it up and pass it on. How do you handle loss and what has helped you?
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
IT SMELLS LIKE CHILDHOOD
what a day! It is Saturday and this day looks like spring! My kids got up this morning and before they could turn on the TV, they said bring on the shorts we are going to play road hockey. Hogan my oldest, who is known on the street as the King of Kensington, got on the phone and set up the game!
Having to do several things today one which was taking my mom to see my dad at the hospital. I did the unthinkable. I let my kids go up the street and play. Oh yes, I let my neighbors know I was going and told the kids to run to their house if need be, but I left them.
No sooner did I carry my moms possession up to dads room in the hospital when my cell phone rang. My youngest had had his feelings hurt and was on his way home - to NO ONE!! Yikes, full of fear ( the legacy of my ancestors) I ran from the hospital, leaving my parents one more thing to worry about and took off for home. Was he hit by a car, was he abducted, was he sitting at home by himself sobbing without his mommy - I repeated over and over to myself - bad mommy - bad mommy.
This is the state of where we are today, even my neurotic, over protective mother kicked me out of the house in the morning, and hoped not to see me again until 5 pm. Whether its the media, internet, urban myths, or whatever we are afraid to let our children run free. I mean we need moderation. Sure we don't want them to live on the streets but we need to let go a little. I know I am a good one to talk but when I got my kid was fine. What do you think are we too overprotective or are we justified in our neurosis?
Having to do several things today one which was taking my mom to see my dad at the hospital. I did the unthinkable. I let my kids go up the street and play. Oh yes, I let my neighbors know I was going and told the kids to run to their house if need be, but I left them.
No sooner did I carry my moms possession up to dads room in the hospital when my cell phone rang. My youngest had had his feelings hurt and was on his way home - to NO ONE!! Yikes, full of fear ( the legacy of my ancestors) I ran from the hospital, leaving my parents one more thing to worry about and took off for home. Was he hit by a car, was he abducted, was he sitting at home by himself sobbing without his mommy - I repeated over and over to myself - bad mommy - bad mommy.
This is the state of where we are today, even my neurotic, over protective mother kicked me out of the house in the morning, and hoped not to see me again until 5 pm. Whether its the media, internet, urban myths, or whatever we are afraid to let our children run free. I mean we need moderation. Sure we don't want them to live on the streets but we need to let go a little. I know I am a good one to talk but when I got my kid was fine. What do you think are we too overprotective or are we justified in our neurosis?
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
THE DAY SAVING MOTHER EARTH CAUSED A BIG FIGHT
Hey I would be the first to say we need to look at our consumption and make it stop, but I am as guilty as the next over consumer. I love the way certain things are packaged, I love a funky pair of shoes and sometimes stuff sits in my fridge and never gets opened until it goes bad. I spend most of my time telling my kids don't be caught up in the way things look, don't jump on the next fad and definitely eat everything on your plate because the majority of the world is starving and we have so much. I am such a hypocrit!
Well that is how it started this morning. Yesterday there was a TV commercial being shot in my hubbys studio that is connected to our house - sounds exciting - no its not. I had to be out of the house most of the day and when I did get back home I had to go down into our basement to do my work because I wasn't allowed to make any noise. So I turned on the TV and lights down there and turned the heat up because it was so damp. Shortly after that one of my children came screaming home and needed me desparately. Luckily the commercial gig was over. I ran upstairs and got what they needed. Like most moms I was assigned several new tasks as the family came home, plus I was still doing my work and putting in a wash - oh yes and making supper too (wow I have come a long way baby) I digress. . . the point is I never got back downstairs. This is where it gets ugly.
This morning Jim woke up and started off saying the bed was too hot - he wanted me to push over but I couldn't because I 7 year old had come in in the middle of the night. P.S. recently my mother warned me this could be hurting my marriage. Thanks mom! Anyway, shortly after that Jim started calling me out - "you left the light, heat and TV on last night - what are you thinking - you call yourself Ms. Conservation (I don't but anyway) and you waste eletricity like that!" I then responded with at least I don't drive an SUV.
Things were so much easier in the 50's when we knew so little or at least we said we did. No really I have made a commitment to Mother Earth and I regret being so forgetful. Like my diet, today is a new day. Today I will do better for her! What are your best conservation tips and does anyone else argue about saving Mother Earth?
Well that is how it started this morning. Yesterday there was a TV commercial being shot in my hubbys studio that is connected to our house - sounds exciting - no its not. I had to be out of the house most of the day and when I did get back home I had to go down into our basement to do my work because I wasn't allowed to make any noise. So I turned on the TV and lights down there and turned the heat up because it was so damp. Shortly after that one of my children came screaming home and needed me desparately. Luckily the commercial gig was over. I ran upstairs and got what they needed. Like most moms I was assigned several new tasks as the family came home, plus I was still doing my work and putting in a wash - oh yes and making supper too (wow I have come a long way baby) I digress. . . the point is I never got back downstairs. This is where it gets ugly.
This morning Jim woke up and started off saying the bed was too hot - he wanted me to push over but I couldn't because I 7 year old had come in in the middle of the night. P.S. recently my mother warned me this could be hurting my marriage. Thanks mom! Anyway, shortly after that Jim started calling me out - "you left the light, heat and TV on last night - what are you thinking - you call yourself Ms. Conservation (I don't but anyway) and you waste eletricity like that!" I then responded with at least I don't drive an SUV.
Things were so much easier in the 50's when we knew so little or at least we said we did. No really I have made a commitment to Mother Earth and I regret being so forgetful. Like my diet, today is a new day. Today I will do better for her! What are your best conservation tips and does anyone else argue about saving Mother Earth?
Monday, April 13, 2009
EASTER HAD MANY EMOTIONS
I am a holidayaholic and nothing makes me happier than crafting, baking, event planning etc. It is what I love to do and it helps me with my other problem of procrastination. When I have real work to do or problems to deal with, a good holiday forces me to forget the important stuff and deal with the fun stuff.
This weekend started off with the best neighborhood easter egg hunt I have ever been to. About 20 families gathered at my friend Laurie's house. Earlier in the morning a couple of mothers hid the eggs and then starting at 9:30 the kids went crazy and hunted down the Easter Eggs.
The rest of the day was beautiful and that was a good thing because after that my emotions went on some type of roller coaster ride. Sure I went through the rest of the weekend with a smile on my face but I couldn't help feel a certain sadness as my family faced a different type of Easter away from our spring trip to Cape Breton. Having Dad in hospital for the holidays got the best of me. Mom was all about the what we used to do, my sister was dealing with her kids being too old for Easter festivities and my kids just seem to be in commercial Easter mode.
Church has always played a part in my Easter but not this year. It seems my faith is changing and like most things right now, the issue is way too complexed to deal with. On Saturday, Mom boiled some eggs for Dad to decorate but his hands seemed unusually affected by Parkinson's but he did the best he could. On Sunday after we went to some crazy Doggie Easter Egg Hunt in Point Pleasant, we headed down to the hospital. I held Dad's hands as his were warm from the overheated hospital and mine were cold from Nova Scotia's false spring. He is no longer my protector, our roles have changed and I am ok with that. It makes me sad though. I finished that day off with a great Easter supper with Jim and the kids - we ate, watched Masters Golf and then built a blanket fort. Easter was different, full of many emotions, but it was good. What I know is things are changing in my life and I need to accept it and ride that rollercoaster! How do you deal with change, what works for you?
This weekend started off with the best neighborhood easter egg hunt I have ever been to. About 20 families gathered at my friend Laurie's house. Earlier in the morning a couple of mothers hid the eggs and then starting at 9:30 the kids went crazy and hunted down the Easter Eggs.
The rest of the day was beautiful and that was a good thing because after that my emotions went on some type of roller coaster ride. Sure I went through the rest of the weekend with a smile on my face but I couldn't help feel a certain sadness as my family faced a different type of Easter away from our spring trip to Cape Breton. Having Dad in hospital for the holidays got the best of me. Mom was all about the what we used to do, my sister was dealing with her kids being too old for Easter festivities and my kids just seem to be in commercial Easter mode.
Church has always played a part in my Easter but not this year. It seems my faith is changing and like most things right now, the issue is way too complexed to deal with. On Saturday, Mom boiled some eggs for Dad to decorate but his hands seemed unusually affected by Parkinson's but he did the best he could. On Sunday after we went to some crazy Doggie Easter Egg Hunt in Point Pleasant, we headed down to the hospital. I held Dad's hands as his were warm from the overheated hospital and mine were cold from Nova Scotia's false spring. He is no longer my protector, our roles have changed and I am ok with that. It makes me sad though. I finished that day off with a great Easter supper with Jim and the kids - we ate, watched Masters Golf and then built a blanket fort. Easter was different, full of many emotions, but it was good. What I know is things are changing in my life and I need to accept it and ride that rollercoaster! How do you deal with change, what works for you?
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
MY KIDS ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY
Don't get me wrong, I love my children. But today I am trying to work on Family Expo, complete funeral arrangements for my mother-in-law, handle PTA issues, visit my dad in the hospital, plan a bday party for my son and force (encourage my kids to practice piano). To help out I have asked my eldest to help his brother practice piano , this has turned out to be a nightmare. Screaming and crying, yelling and hitting - no kidding! My perfect little family has turned into a warzone. "Calgon take me away" How can two kids that love each other most of the time turn into such enemies? and I don't mean me and my hubby, but come to think of it we are not that much better just minus the hitting! What family dynamics to you face?
Hey my sister (also my partner in Family Expo) had a moment. We were talking about our Easter plans and she had a meltdown over the fact that her babies are not Easter Egg hunting anymore. It is different this year, we usually go to Cape Breton and everybody searches for eggs on Easter morning, but this year with Dad in the hospital and Mom staying in between our homes, Samantha my niece at university and Nash my nephew 17 years old, we won't be having the same traditions. How do we cope with change? How do we start new traditions and is it ok to mourn the old ones?
Hey my sister (also my partner in Family Expo) had a moment. We were talking about our Easter plans and she had a meltdown over the fact that her babies are not Easter Egg hunting anymore. It is different this year, we usually go to Cape Breton and everybody searches for eggs on Easter morning, but this year with Dad in the hospital and Mom staying in between our homes, Samantha my niece at university and Nash my nephew 17 years old, we won't be having the same traditions. How do we cope with change? How do we start new traditions and is it ok to mourn the old ones?
Friday, April 3, 2009
WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD
Started this morning in a pretty good mood - Fridays have always brought a smile to my face because for some reason my somewhat structured life comes unglued on the weekend and I love that. I went for a walk with my dog and met some neighborhood mommies for coffee. Throughout the day my work presented me with some good deals and some that fell through, but a friend phoned with a beautiful story about how she made it through the loss of her mother, a childhood friend emailed with a "this is what's going on in my family right now"letter and my sister and I sought comfort in each other about our father's Parkinsons illness. These people made me feel good! TGIF and thank God for these people! What brought a smile to your face today?
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